Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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