eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
