I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
