i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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