my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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