Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I think my vagina is haunted
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
