the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
