White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
