then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
