Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
