She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
