Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
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