Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
