worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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