her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
