Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
