I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
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