After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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