Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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