Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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