Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
