I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
