Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
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