he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
