alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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