So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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