Don't you send me to vm
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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