i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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