The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
