Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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