Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
