WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
