Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
