Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
