that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
