If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
