I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
