you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
