Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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