thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
His hands were made for my vagina.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
