Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Come on in and take your pants off
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