So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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