I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
