he wants to bone in the snuggie
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
