your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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