I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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