i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
