Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Randomize
