I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
