he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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